Read more Gospel According To… articles in the Pod Bible magazine, which you can read online or buy in our shop. You can listen to series 2 of Kurupt FM on Audible NOW and follow @kuruptfm on Twitter.
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First of all I would never pitch anything in an elevator. We’re way above that now. I’d probably get the Best Podcast award that we won out of my bag and just hold it out in front of me and then when the other people in the lift ask “why have you got that award?” I’d explain; We do an award winning podcast called The Kurupt FM Podkast where we talk about different topics and help you to understand them. The best way to describe it is probably it’s like injecting pure knowledge directly into your brain using headphones.
We’d been running our pirate radio station for years, blazing out the finest UK garage across the land of Brentford. After we stopped doing Kurupt FM everyone was understandably heartbroken and wanted to hear our voices again. Then our manager, Chabuddy G, told us about these things Audible do called podcasts, which are basically like pirate radio shows, but much, much more boring. I decided that it was time for us to make podcasts credible and at the same time bring our voices to a nation of desperate fans. Also Chabzy said it was a good way for him to advertise shit to gullible people. So everyone wins, really. One thing that’s good about podcasts is that the reach is a little bit wider than pirate radio. Our reach used to be a two mile radius from the block where our aerial was but with the Podkast you can get wherever which is pretty mad.
Be yourself. Unless you’re boring. Some podcast hosts are proper boring, which is probably why the whole podcast thing hasn’t really taken off until now. The secret to being a good podcast host is to provide wisdom and have natural lyrical talent. That’s why Audible approached me. Good looks aren’t essential cos it’s just audio but there’s nothing I can do about that. They get that for free.
Make sure you recognise and respect the podcast host and above all know your place. Stepping into someone’s podcast is like coming into their home. Take your shoes off on your way in, have some respect, wipe the seat if you use the toilet. That’s a metaphor, Steve’s toilet doesn’t actually work. If you need a piss you have to walk around the corner to the leisure centre or McDonalds.
We actually discuss time travel as part of the episode about the future. I can say from experience that the idea of going back and talking to yourself is not something I would recommend. It’s better to not interfere in that stuff cos you don’t know what sort of madness you might end up doing. Look at Back To The Future. One minute it seems like a great idea, the next minute you’re like Marty McFly and you’re accidentally about to have sex with your own mum. No thanks.
Last series we did a Ouija board and accidentally opened the door into the spirit world. That was quite long. I don’t believe in all that stuff obviously but when you blaze loads of weed it’s hard not to sometimes get paro… Steve still burns sage in his flat once a week just in case there’s still spirits knocking about.
The episode where I finally reveal the script for the film I’ve been writing about my life. MC Grindah: The Movie. We acted out some of the scenes and it was really emotional for me to see it come to life. Idris Elba, if you’re seeing this, and I’m sure you are – the part of MC Grindah is still up for grabs. Everyone says we’re basically twins so it’s the role of a lifetime for you, I’m not sure why you’ve been ignoring our messages. Maybe you’re in the gym bulking up, trying to get my shoulders.
I don’t listen to podcasts to be honest, they’re mainly for brears who drink coffee and have folding bikes and suits with running trainers that want something to listen to on the tube. So I’d probably have to say myself. And I inspire those around me as well so in a way I’m inspired by them because they’re inspired by me.
Hmm. Tough one. I think I’d have to say The Kurupt FM Podkast. And if it’s not your favourite then you’re wrong cos we literally have an award to prove that it’s the best one. It’s mad actually cos I never was a fan of podcasts before but I have single-handedly converted myself into a podcast fan.

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